music note shaped paper clips.

and a rough feeling.

i wish i could have perged.
just because i know it will make me feel better.
mentally.
( physically is a given. )


I wish I hadn't come home this afternoon.
I wish a lot of things could have been different today.
Actually, just a few things.
I'm dissapointed, hurt, angry, and a bit of livid.

When has something I've ever asked for someone to do
for me ever been consistent?
Never.
When has something some one has asked me to do for them
been consistent?
Every time.

This unconditional shit is fucking fiction.
There's always a condition.
They've always got the hold on you
and you can't escape, change, or avoid it.
You're trapped.
And you're left feeling unappreciated and uncared for.

I don't believe a man can love a woman with the feelings that I feel
towards people, towards life, towards emotion.
I won't believe it.
Not through your words.
Not through a love story.
Not through something a male writes about his "special lady."
I need some one to, not save me, but change my views.
Prove me fucking wrong
and make me forget about these words.

I just need to be able to leave and be held in one's arms.
Whisper the unsure truths that everything will be okay
and that that one is here for me.
Be on my side.

Times and signs like these I'm sure you're ditching me.
And it just hurts
because I've been left time and time before.

I want to do some leaving.
I want to do some heart stomping.